How to keep your kids from abusing the water hose

Exhibit A, the hose and faucet. The red handle sits on the contraption, it isn’t fastened with a nut.

a functional hose, minus one crucial nut

a functional hose, minus one crucial nut


Exhibit B, the faucet, just slipped right off whenever I’m done supervising the hose.
I pop the faucet handle off every time I want the kids to be done with the hose

I pop the faucet handle off every time I want the kids to be done with the hose

Never lose the family scissors

There is of course my scrapbooking pair, hidden away, and the “good” scissors, hidden away; but these are the ones the kids are allowed to use. To make sure they always go back somewhere safe I appropriated one of the hooks I’d put up for their lunch boxes (since they don’t use them) and voilà: Scissor home.

this is the way we don't lose our scissors

this is the way we don’t lose our scissors

Where to put the oven mitts

Because they sure as heck aren’t going to stay on the counter top where Hubby puts them BECAUSE IT’S MORE CONVENIENT THAT WAY! Hogwash. So keeping in mind that wherever I put them had to be somewhere he could reach with NO EFFORT or he’d never do it, I eyed the small, mitt-shaped piece of wall between the microwave (within reach of the stove) and the pantry.

With the aid of a 3M Command hook and a 1 inch looseleaf ring, I solved our problem and got my counter top back.

not on my counter top

not on my counter top

Command hook on wall, looseleaf ring through oven mitt loop and voilà

Command hook on wall, looseleaf ring through oven mitt loop and voilà

Blind cord safety

The house we bought came with blinds on all the windows. I hate blinds. For one, they’re a fucking strangulation hazard and I live in constant mortal terror of my children discovering that fact; and two, they’re ugly. But more importantly, number one. And sure enough, one lunch time I hear “Hey brother, look at this!” and I come out to the dining room to see my daughter with the cord wrapped around her neck while her brother wraps another around his. I had a cow. A herd of cows, horns and all.

They were banished to their rooms while I sobbed and taped every single cord to the ceiling with packing tape. We lived in the dark for almost a month. I also explained as graphically as possible what happens when you strangle yourself: no more Mommy and Daddy, no more toys, no more school or friends or swimming or dancing, no more NOTHING and you’ll make Mommy cry until the day she dies. To make extra sure they were familiar with the death concept, I took the teddy bear each of them loved the least and decapitated it with a pair of scissors in front of their very eyes.  They sobbed and begged me not to do it but as much as it hurt my heart I made myself press on because it’s for their own safety. 

Then I got this 3M command hook idea.

top arrow: command hook bottom arrow:  came with the house

top arrow: command hook
bottom arrow: came with the house

The window frame came with these little wrap around hook things, but it gets annoying to wrap up 5 cords every day and unwrap every evening. And by annoying I mean that Hubby won’t do it at all and it’s all on me if I want any natural light in the house. So I added an extra hook so winding the cord high above the children’s reach is a lot faster and easier.